he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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