I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
