Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just invented taco cereal.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
