my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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