so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you traded sex for a burrito?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
