Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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