At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
