Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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