you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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