i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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