My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
