uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
