did you get engaged???
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
