Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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