I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
