I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
