ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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