I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize