I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
