how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
