take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
