When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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