Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
