i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
