I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
