We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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