do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
