if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
