a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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