There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
