We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
