what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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