You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
