No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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