The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
