There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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