someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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