if you like me you must not know who I am
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
