I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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