if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Someone shattered a urinal.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
