Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Floor bacon is actually really good
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize