so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
