She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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