I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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