Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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