I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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