Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
