FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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