I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
