My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
