My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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