were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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