This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
