Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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