so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
