We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
