I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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