he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
