last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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