I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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