i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize