I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
