your thong is hanging out like whoa
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you remember whose house we're in?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
