I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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