Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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