i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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