the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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