I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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