I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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