i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
