I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
