I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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