Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down

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(312): View more from Illinois

Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog

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(402): View more from Nebraska

She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.

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(585): View more from New York

You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.

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(387): View more from

The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?

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(443): View more from Maryland

well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.

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(619): View more from California

I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode

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