My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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