Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
