Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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