I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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