I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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