eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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