ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
