Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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