My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
