yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
