Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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