tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
