Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
