he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
