i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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