Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
