so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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