every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
