guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
