dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Randomize
