Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
