Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
