so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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